A letter to my 25 year old self

Dear YoungerTammi,

I see you in this picture…. 25 years old, already been through so much… holding your baby girl in your arms and smiling into the camera.

I also know that it was 4am and Taylor wasn’t going to sleep. I know you were exhausted because of the feeding schedule she was on (nursing every 45 mins) and getting up early with a 4 year old. Not to mention… you were doing it BY YOURSELF.

You are so strong. Stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for. I know this isn’t what you pictured for your life…. But here you are and I know you feel broken.. but I promise you.. It wont always be this way.

I know you took this picture and put on this smile to send to the man you love in the hopes that he would see you and the beautiful child you both created and come home to you.

I know that you are still reeling from the hospital debacle. How humiliating it was to be all ready to go with your new little girl and he came to pick you both up… but then proceeded to start a fight with you….. Right there in the shared room. One side of the room was glowing in new family reverie… while he picks a fight with you over nothing and then LEAVES YOUTHERE (in YOUR car).

I know it was humiliating to call your dad and ask him to pick you and your baby up. How you walked her in to your home alone and immediately realized the significance of that.. but you were so sad and so tired… that it didn’t register fully. Thankfully Jarod was living with you at the time to help out here and there.

I know that Her dad ended up going back and forth between you and Her for the next year. You will eventually find the PROOF you need to be done (and he couldn’t possibly manipulate you out of THIS ONE) and HONEY… YOU will be done… FOREVER and life will get oh so much better.

YoungerTammi… Listen to me. And listen well. ALL the promises you tearfully made to the child growing inside of you will COME TRUE. Everything you wished you’re your son will happen and THEN SOME!

You WILL find your sanity. You never lost it in the first place… he took it from you by Gas Lighting and Manipulation. You don’t fully realize this yet… but you will eventually… that ITS NOT YOUR FAULT and YOU DON’T DESERVE THIS and THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AND YOU ARE ENOUGH. STOP laying awake and doubting that.. wondering what you could be doing differently.

You will find love again.. even though you are being told that no one will ever want you and many other horrible things.. it was all in an effort to make you stay and put up with his SHIT.

You will go through years of struggle… but you will come out of it and do everything in your life that you love. Working with children, Coaching people to reach and realize their full potential, Spread love and hope to those around you.. You will look around at your life one day and bask in Gratitude for everything you have created. Stay Strong YoungerTammi… your life will change beyond your wildest dreams.

You will also see the people around you begin to realize their potential and amazing worth in this world and it will invigorate you even more.

There is so much more out there. Just know that you are worth it… you are ENOUGH and your children will be amazing. You have got this.

Love, Older and Wiser Tammi

**Thank you for reading**

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